Blog December Post 19 - Finding a balance

Today's Destiny Card word is Balance.

This morning on my Facebook feed I came across the following poem someone had posted:

slow down mummy, there is no need to rush,
slow down mummy, what is all the fuss?
slow down mummy, make yourself a cup tea.
Slow down mummy, come and spend some time with me.

...

slow down mummy, lets put our boots on and go out for a walk,
lets kick at piles of leaves, and smile and laugh and talk.
slow down mummy, you look ever so tired,
come sit and snuggle under the duvet and rest with me a while.

slow down mummy, those dirt dishes can wait,
slow down mummy, lets have some fun, lets bake a cake!
slow down mummy I know you work a lot,
but sometimes mummy, its nice when you just stop.
sit with us a minute,
 & listen to our day,
spend a cherished moment,
because our childhood is not here to stay!

 

R.Knight 2011

 

And of course, I immediately suffered mummy guilt!!

 

I returned to work (on a casual basis) when my daughter was one year old.  I am forever thankful that my employer during that time allowed me to take 12mths leave at half pay, as many mothers don't get that luxury.

 

She was cared for by friends and my mum for a while because the shifts were a bit hard to predict.  Not long after I got full time work and she was put into daycare.  It tore into me each morning as she would cry at every drop off!!  Even when the daycare centre assured me she enjoyed it.  I do have some photos of my daughter during this time and happiness does not reflect deeply in her eyes so I know she wasn't happy.

 

My husband was working casually and in the end it made sense for him to stay at home rather than pay what he was earning in daycare fees.  So when my daughter was 2, my hubby became her full time carer.

 

While I can not dismiss the great bond this has allowed my husband and daughter to develop.  And I can not dismiss how ready I was to return to work to feel like a "person" again.  It still affected me with how little time I got to spend with my daughter.

 

Now she is in school, I think it is a lot easier.  She understands more why I have to work.

 

We spend weekends together.  I still sleep with my child even though she is almost 7 because it makes me feel better being there for her at night.  I help her do homework and read together.  And until my husband finds work, she will still get time with her dad every afternoon and during holidays (although we have started breaking that up a bit with vacation care as she was getting a bit bored and my hubby needs some time to himself too!)

 

Next year will be a test.  I have been successful in gaining another job.  So I will be working full time and also working as a part time online teacher for the local TAFE's library studies area.  It will be a test for me to find that balance - well it will be a test to the whole family!  But I know of others that do it, so will most likely be looking to them for advice where things get tough.

 

I'm excited by the challenge and feel I'll be giving back to the profession as well as developing some excellent skills myself.

 

As for my daughter and I, I think we will be doing our "homework" together.  And if we find it is not working so well, then we can all re-evaluate the situation and look for a better balance.