The Marathon

I've been sitting on this post for a while - unsure how to start, what to tell and how to express it.  I've read many recaps by Facebook friends that have really captured a lot of what I have felt and experienced during my marathon so it has helped but the thoughts and words aren't forming in any kind of pattern so this could become a ramble.

The marathon day started for me at 3am due to wanting to accompany friends who were doing the half marathon to the race precinct and a little bit (well mostly) about not knowing or wanting to find my way there alone.

I followed my usual breakfast routine that I had used for long runs (the few that I did during training) and had honey on toast and a hot milo.  I thought I would bring a banana along to have before the race but ended up forgetting it.

Off to the tram at 4.20am and jumped on the 4.40am tram.  As we were the first stop, it was empty but got very full by the time we reached the race precinct.  I was feeling a bit ill by then because of being squashed in but while on the tram I managed to catch up with a fellow Coffs Harbour runner and wish her luck for the half marathon.  It's amazing how fate plays games with you on days like this.  Of all the carriages for her to hop on, it was the one I was on!!  By the way, she did a super time in her race!

It was still dark when we arrived at the precinct and first thing was to locate the toilets.  We found an out of the way block so the line up was minimal.  It seemed like it didn't take much time after that for my friends to have to head to the start line for the half marathon.  I was left standing in the dark and cold trying to watch the start from a slight hill.  I forgot I could've gone into the middle of the precinct and watched it on the big screen.

I was surprised to see people still jostling into the starting line long after the start gun had gone off - but apparently that is normal.

As it was still cool, I headed back to the toilets and sat in a cubicle for a while just to keep warm.  Not sure what to do then, I wandered around, dropped my bag off and really just stood there watching the other runners start to arrive for the marathon.

A lady from the Facebook group of which I belong, Running Mums Australia, popped up beside me and asked if I would like to come with her to find the RMA tent as there was going to be a photo taken of the marathoners at 6.45am.  It was 6.30am by then and the race was due to start at 7.20am.  Off we went to find the tent and we did and had our photo taken.  I had explained to the lady that I had forgotten my banana and she was kind enough to share hers.  We did a final trip to the toilet and headed to the start line.

I was actually wanting to run with this lady - she was aiming for a 4.30 finish time so had chosen starting group D and I was in C as I had been advised to estimate a faster pace so not to get stuck behind slower runners.  I kept trying to sneak into D but the volunteers were on my case each time so I ended up lining up at the start in C on my own.

After a motivational speech by Robert De Castella and recognition of the passing of the great Ron Clarke, the gun went off and we started moving slowly towards the start line.

I was having trouble with my Garmin watch picking up a GPS signal so was saying silent prayers it would work.  But also taking in the atmosphere and as I went up a small crest and looked down over the start line and all the fellow runners doing this run, I got a bit teary.  I told myself I could not cry because I wouldn't be able to breathe.  So put a stop to that.  I could not believe I was crossing the start line after all those months of training and I was alone but surrounded by thousands of other runners.  It was such a big event to be part of.

I have to note that not even a kilometer into the run and there were some poor runners already pulled off to the side with possible pulled muscles so their run was over - I felt for them.

I found a nice pace to run, but had a bit of pain in my ankle which just felt like I needed to do some ankle rotations but it did come good not long after.

I won't do a k by k breakdown of the race but I will say that the run out to the turnaround at Burleigh Heads was fun.  The crowd is great!  I high fived as many kids as I could along the course.  I wasn't quite sure where the turn around was so it threw me a bit because I thought it was earlier than it was.  But I had already started running into people I knew from Facebook running pages I follow and from Ipswich parkrun.

The best surprise (well there were many best surprises on the day) was hearing my name called at Surfers Paradise and seeing a lady from work there with her family.  I ran across to high five her - and would you believe, she was still there on the way back which deserved a hug so she got a big sweaty hug.  She has since sent me an email saying how proud she is of me and how inspirational I am!  It was a lovely surprise and spurred me on.

I ran into one of the running coaches from a group I run with in Ipswich when I'm up there on holidays a few times.  I would run past then walk through the drink stations and he would catch up again and then I'd run past and it would go on like that for a while.

Catching up with Green from Super Running Girls and Graham from Taking the Long Option could not have come at a better time.  From about 10km my toes felt like they had blisters on the bottom of them but it was an annoyance more than pain so I could keep going.  Green and Graham kept my mind occupied for a while.  Green had to head to a toilet so Graham and I kept running together.  Graham had a camera on a stick so was taking photos along the way.  Graham was doing a great thing for the team Run for Hummingbird House.  He was running back and forth throughout the marathon to get all the team across the line.  He ended up running around 62km instead of 42km.

After Graham left, I caught up with Adele from She Runs a Lot and Sam from Darren and Sam's Running Adventures - this was the first time I had met them although I did seem them both at the before the start and probably shocked them a bit my saying hello and "I follow you on Facebook!"

Then I ran into Shylet from the Running Doctor and also embarrassed myself saying I follow you on facebook.  I swear I felt like some kind of stalker at this stage.  I must not forget that I had also run into Running Optimistic  who was running with a friend - Jess and Tess!!

It was fairly uneventful until I came up to the bridge at 30km.  I remember people saying that this was the incline - the hill that was still flat but still a hill.  I thought, well this is the furtherest I had run in my training so anything beyond here is the unknown.  It was also at this point I saw my friends on the sidelines and ran backwards to give them a big hug.  Another spur to get me up the incline and as I crested and looked out beyond the finish line (yes I had to run past that - what torture) and saw the thousands of runners ahead and no turn around in site - my head started winning.  I will admit at this stage the legs were pretty sore - in fact in my race video you can see when I run down the hill on the other side of the bridge I'm looking pretty stiff.

The walking begins here.  I had just had the biggest boost from the supporters and my friends and now I was in no man's land.  There are still supporters, but not as many.  There are people collapsed in the middle of the road and there are lots of runners starting to walk.  I could see a turn ahead and thought that once past there I might see the turnaround and be spurred on again - instead I saw more runners ahead.  This just kept happening.  Around every turn, more runners and no turnaround.

I had been up with the 4.00 pace balloon but that had gone, the 4.15 pace balloon also went and then the 4.30 pace balloon drifted off.  My thoughts of a possible sub 4.30 marathon deflated and I just said, it's ok, I just need to finish.  Even if I have to walk it.  So lots of walking and shuffling I did.

I had seen another runner from Coffs earlier in the race who was behind me, she passed me as I hit my first walking session of the post 30km mark.  I wished her well as I continued walking.  Alas, suddenly there she was walking in front of me.  I said No what happened and she said it hurts and I said I know and we walked together.  This went on for a little while and then she said, there is only 4km to go, let's run.  So off we shuffled.  I really didn't want to run 4km - I really didn't think I could and after 2km and my stupid water/fuel belt kept slipping, I said for her to continue as I wanted to walk and fix up my stupid belt.  So off she went.

So I walked and shuffled and lo and behold just ahead the 4.30 pace balloon - woo hoo!!  Maybe my sub 4.30 was in sight again.  I kept up with the balloon and then we rounded a corner and I heard the pacer say, there's only just over 1km to go you can do this.  So I did.  I overtook the 4.30 pacer and shuffled along quicker.

I knew the RMA tent was near the finish shoot so I thought, I just have to get to there and I know I'm pretty much home!  The team tents were cheering and I was smiling again.  I was on the way out of hell!  High fives for all the RMA's hanging over the fence.  And then my friends - the girls!!  High fives for them and there was the start of the finishing shute!!!  Let's put the effort in!!!

So effort I did - although looking at the video it really wasn't that fast!  And I rounded a corner and thought where is this f**&^ finishing shute!!  And there it was and my name was called out and I threw my hands in the air and fist pumped and got excited!!  I had done it!!  I had finished and I had done it, according to my Garmin in 4.26.  Officially 4.27 and gun time of 4.31.

I stopped running and instantly my legs stiffened - it was hard to walk.  I ran into my Coffs running friend in the food and water area and we both started crying and promising to call each other should we decide to do another marathon again - so we could talk the other out of it!  I called my husband and daughter and they were so excited!!  I made my way out of the recovery area and got my medal and shirt and went and picked up my bag.  I then had to locate my friends - the girls!!

There are lots of people to thank for this journey and achievement - a lot mentioned in this post and a lot not mentioned but they know who they are!  Will I do another one?  I might, but not the Gold Coast again - not with that awful last 10k - that will never leave me!  Although they say it's like childbirth and you soon forget.  So who knows!

Blog June Post 19, 20 and 21 - Triple Post or I'm Just Slack

Well only 9 days to go and I've already missed 2 days in a row.

Friday saw me come home from work tired after a busy week.  Yesterday I headed out to a friend's place for afternoon/evening drinks after a full on day of clothes and grocery shopping.  Today it is cold and I've done a half baked job of cleaning the house.

A bit of a rip off post from me today as I really haven't got anything much to write.  So instead I post this photo (note there are a few ladies missing from this photo) and say I love all of these women as they are such a diverse bunch who have brought so much to my life in different ways!!  Fitness, confidence, advice, fun and support!!  I love you girls!

Epiphany - Blog 12 Days of Christmas

So this is the post where I am supposed to look back over the past 12 days and discuss what I may have learned or: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.

I can't say I have found the meaning of life, or had any insight into reality.  I can say that I have once again enjoyed sitting down at the end of the day and reflecting on what was and then trying to put it into something remotely interesting to others.

What I can say is that in the space of 12 days I have regained my running mojo and even pushed out a 16.5km run today without feeling like it was a chore.  It was hard but it was enjoyable.  On the home stretch I even enjoyed the bush on either side of the road for the birds that were singing, the lagoon that I ran past, and the view from the top of the hill overlooking the beach.  I made peace with being in the right place - this beautiful place I live and love.

I felt that again after a splash in the surf with my family as I was sitting in the hot midday sun looking out over the ocean watching two dolphins swim past and a sailing boat in the distance.  And up front, an 8 year old girl and her dad sharing so many laughs and moments in the surf - their bond warms my heart!!

In the afternoon, walking along the river, out on the boardwalk - secretly trying not to be too annoyed by the tourists - but instead lap up seeing my locals and saying hello.  Having a short conversation with my daughters friends mother.  Over hearing some visitors from Sydney saying how it was nice that everyone here says "hello" unlike in Sydney.  My home, my community, my friends, my people!

There will always be hard times, tough times - but happiness can't be all the time as then we wouldn't appreciate it as much!

Being awesome is something to strive for in all aspects of your life and something I will be striving for in 2015.

Expecting miracles, celebrating achievements, being creative, enjoying moments of laziness, being alert and waking up, being healthy and celebrating being here and now, and making the most of open doors - this is what 2015 will be for me!!

Until #blogjune......

Is the grass greener?

Ok, so I'm haven't been posting to my blog at least once a week.  Honestly, so far this year I'm feeling flat.  Usually on return from the Christmas/New Year break, I am excited and revitalised about work and the year to come.  I'm ready to launch into planning heaps of exciting activities and seeking out opportunities to promote the library.

This year, it's not happening.  Each morning I wake up thinking this is the morning my motivation will return.  This is the morning I'll feel a skip in my step and anticipation for the day ahead.  Nope - not happening.

I'm not quite sure if I can pinpoint just one reason as to why this is happening.  I mean, I took a longer break and I didn't fill my break with drives to Qld which normally exhaust me and make me feel I really haven't had a break. No this holiday I relaxed and I spent lots of time at the beach and quality time with my family.  So it's not because I didn't have a good holiday.

I think it might be a combination of things.  Currently I don't have enough relief staff so I am constantly on edge that someone is going to get sick and we'll have no one to back fill.

One of my long term, highly organised staff members is off sick, so it has been hard to pick up the things that they would normally do without thinking.

I'm also involved in another project at work that I'm having an internal battle trying to devote time to - also trying to get my head around exactly how to tackle it and get it done in the very tight deadline is stressful.  I'm also supposed to be able to pull myself out of my day job to complete this - but that brings me back to the lack of relief staff.

Other things that may be at play are the fact that I do keep an eye on what jobs are going in the library industry and often find a job that I think would be much better than the one I'm in now - be it to be closer to family and friends, less responsibility, higher pay, better conditions, etc.  So there have been a few that have come up recently that I have thought maybe I should go for them.  But in reality I'm probably only trying to run away from this situation and is the grass really greener elsewhere?!?

I am coming up to having been in this job for 5 years.  In the past I always had a 3 year rule - no more than 3 years in the same job.  However, since having a child and she is in school, I have longed for somewhere to be long term.  To be in the same place so that we don't have to move and Miss A doesn't have to change schools and I'll actually get to get one of those certificates saying I've been in an organisation for 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, 25 years etc.  To actually be somewhere long enough to make some big changes or go through some big changes and come out the other side better than before.

That said, there are some big changes happening - restructure, possible (probably more like inevitable) changes to local government models/boundaries in NSW, the never ending battle for funding.  And for me that creates a feeling of uncertainty.  What happens if my job no longer exists - what then?

Of course, I then kick myself for being worried about something that has not happened yet.

So I'm sorry for this post being so personal and probably a bit depressing, but I felt I had to write down how I am feeling and see if it gives me a light at the end of the tunnel moment.

And perhaps it has, because when I drive to work this morning and I go over the river and past the beautiful scenery which may be a bit muddy and wet at the moment, I'm sure to feel lucky to live here.  And if I think about what we did over the holidays - is it really so bad that I should give up this lifestyle??  Is it really as bad as it seems??

Honestly, I think I'm just going through a phase but I really hope that it hurry's up and passes me by.

Blog December Post 31/Blog12daysxmas Post 7 - IRL

Today's Destiny Card is Efficiency.

On the 7th day of Christmas.... we went for a swim at the beach in the morning and I met a twitter friend in the afternoon.

Prior to today I had only had brief twitter conversations with @lv2photoWorld but because @leesaphilip mentioned to me that @lv2photoWorld was going to be in my town for a few days and put us in contact, we manage to meet IRL (in real life).

@lv2photoWorld and I have some common library industry friends which made conversation a bit easier to get started.  But then we found out something that threw me for a six.  I asked @lv2photoWorld where she lived and that triggered me to mention that I know someone that lives in the same area and would you believe that they are the same people that are looking after @lv2photoWorld animals!!  It is such a small world!!

Since moving down here from Qld, Twitter has been an excellent tool for me to keep in contact with friends, but is also a great networking tool.  I don't get too many networking opportunities, other than once a year conferences and the odd professional development opportunity that may bring me in contact with others in my profession that I am yet to meet.  Twitter allows me to keep networking from the comfort of my home, office or wherever I may be, and to meet new people in my industry.

I can't wait to meet more of my Twitter friends that I haven't met IRL.

Well this is the last post of Blog December but I have another 5 posts left on #blog12daysxmas so I will continue for the next 5 days.  Who knows, it may become a new year resolution of mine to continue to blog regularly to force me to reflect more often.  That said, I don't like to do resolutions - possibly because I don't follow through with them all or I feel too much pressure to do them all!  But isn't that why we make them??

I had planned to list all the books I read in 2012 in this post, but I think I'll leave it to the next post.  I don't think I will get to read as much in 2013 due to my extra job I'm taking on - but I hope to find time to jump in on the regular twitter chats for Read Write Play #rwpchat so I better read something so I can contribute!

Till next year.....

Blog June Post 17 - Visitors

Today one of my good friends from Qld is coming to visit.  Elizabeth and I have known each other almost 18 years.  We worked together in my first place of work.  Even though I have moved away and come back various times, we still remain good friends.

I'm glad the weather is fine as I hope to take Elizabeth and Jill (who is accompanying her and I have not yet offically met but is also a library professional) down to the foreshores to check out the boardwalk and have some fish and chips or some other yummy take away.  Urunga looks so much better when the sun is shining.

Elizabeth and Jill have been partaking on a road trip of Northern NSW.  She phoned me a week ago letting me know they would be in the area and when would be a good time to catch up.  I was excited for her to be on a road trip.  I love road trips and exploring little towns that you never usually get to see if you stick to the main tourist routes.  Of course, I'm always on the look out for the local library and will drag my family through it and take photos!!

Pre child my hubby and I used to go for weekend drives and explore roads that weren't main highways.  We would always discover some nice little spot with a view or beside a creek/river/lake.  We don't do that as much now because the cost of fuel and the fear of my car breaking down - as it doesn't have a good track record when it comes to weekend drives - even though it isn't very old - things that you would never think could go wrong with a car go wrong with mine.  But I think when my hubby is working again we should go and explore again.

My next road trip is down to Port Stephens, Nelson Bay, Shoal Bay for the Imagine library conference.  I have mapped out some libraries to visit along the way.  I can't wait!!

But back to friends.  When I think about my good friends, they are all library professionals.  There are about half a dozen who are not, they are the mums I met during mum's group and have remained in touch with since moving to NSW.  I always make sure to catch up with them when back in Qld.

Down here in NSW, I don't have any really close good friends as yet.  Most of the people I know are through work, parents of kids that go to my daughters school and library professionals that work at other libraries in our Zone.  I miss the times when I could just phone a friend and catch up for coffee (hot chocolate for me) and go shopping.  I miss the mother's group meet ups with the kids the same age and having something in common with them other than our kids.

Don't get me wrong, I am slowly making some great friendships down here but life does get in the way.  Weekends for me are a time out and I don't always want to spend time talking to people - when you talk to people all week you crave time away from that.  Hence, why I love to escape in a book on the weekend.

But my weekends are also full of boring chores like washing clothes, cleaning the house, doing the grocery shopping, taking my daughter to swimming lessons.  So by the time all that is done the best things I get to enjoy are my afternoon walks (my thinking time) and relaxing with a book or the Sunday newspaper.  Weekends need to be more than 2 days long!!

Appreciation

Finally, the final installment of the #blog12daysxmas has finally arrived. Sorry for the delay but I have been in Qld for the last week and my tablet would not let me type in blogger - will have to sort that out.

In this post I'm going to focus on appreciation because most of my other posts have been focusing on negatives, so now for some positives.

After visiting Qld and experiencing the wonderful 35-42'C temperatures - I appreciate being home where today brings us a top of 25'C. It didn't take me long to appreciate where I live after being in Qld a week. I know that there had been some nice cooler temperatures before I arrived but it didn't take long for me to remember the constant sweat of the Qld summer. I used to love it but I must be climatising!! 8-)

It was great to catch up with my family and good friends and I appreciate that they took the time out from their regular routines to make time for me. I wish they could all relocate here but seeing them so few times a year makes me appreciate them more!!

This time last year I was in Qld and I was "stuck" due to the floods. I remember feeling helpless as I wasn't able to assist anyone and I was more concerned with getting home to my husband then hanging around during the clean up. Watching people talking about how their homes and loved ones were washed away made me appreciate my family and friends even more. While it floods often here, the flooding in Qld was much different.

You may have heard about the terrible accident that happened in Urunga while I was in Qld. A B double truck ran into a ute and some houses and killed 2 people, one of them an 11 yr old boy who was on holidays from Sydney. I can not begin to fatham how their loved ones feel but again it makes me appreciate what I've got.

Those of you who are mums/dads will understand when I say that you can spend a lot of time imagining the worst things that could happen to your child(ren). It tears you up and you want to lock them inside and not let them do anything. The fear grips you. But you must let go and let them experience life - including the times where they may experience hurt and pain. I appreciate that so far life has been kind to me and has not let anything bad happen to my child nor my family.

There are many many other things that I appreciate but I will finish by saying that I appreciate those that have taken the time to read my #blog12daysxmas and I hope that my motivation continues throughout the year to continue to blog.

What brought you here?

I get asked this question a lot - especially when I mention that I'm originally from Qld. Well today I will share the story.

Ok back in 2006, I took 12 months maternity leave. After that was finished I didn't return to my previous POW and managed to pick up some casual work which lead into a relieving position for a staff member on leave. This was to be for 12mths.

While I really enjoyed working there, I realised that there was a high possibility of there being no full time, permanent position for me once the 12mths were up so I continued to scan the job market. Also, on the home front things were not going well. We had some neighbours that were intent on making life not too comfortable. This was resulting in a lot of stress and the realisation that perhaps this wasn't the place we'd like to raise a child.

Low and behold an add for my current position appeared in my work email inbox. It is quite funny because I recall it was on an elist that I have no recollection of subscribing to. Perhaps it was meant to be.

The position was a manager/supervisor role and I had not yet graduated from my BALIS - however I did have my LT quals and 15 years library experience. So I thought I'll give it a go. Let it be known that I had no idea where Bellingen was. My husband and I did a bit of research and discovered that it wasn't far South of Iluka - we had frequently spent holidays at Iluka and also had our honeymoon there. We always wanted to live there. So I thought it would probably be a nice place.

Well I got an interview, which I did over the phone and thought I'd totally stuffed it up. But then got asked to come and meet face to face. They organised for this to be done at Grafton so we wouldn't have to travel so far. We only had the Friday and Saturday as I had to work on Sunday so we decided that regardless of the outcome we would travel to Bellingen after the interview and stay overnight - just to check it out.

I got offered the job and we had a very surreal overnight stay in Bellingen. Reality hit when we got home and realised we had only 6 weeks to relocate interstate and put our house on the market.

Rental accommodation in Bellingen is hard to come by so it wasn't until the week before moving that we had secured a house. Talk about stressful!! But if it is meant to be then it will work out.

We have been living down here for just over 3 years now. We bought a house in Urunga which we are currently doing minor renovations to and I'm really enjoying it here. This is not to say I don't miss my family and friends back in Qld.

The hardest thing I have found down here is making good friends. In Qld I had a really supportive mother's group and some library professionals that are good friends. I miss my regular interaction with these people and am yet to find the same network here.

I don't miss the traffic, pollution, dodgy neighbours, constant road works (although with any luck we will be having some road works in the near future to relocate the highway from our town), shopping (ok I miss it a little bit) and crowds.

So this is how I got to be where I am. I am heading up to Qld, with my daughter for a holiday today - which is why I am up at 5am. I will emerse myself in city life and enjoy it while I'm there. I have a packed schedule to ensure I catch up with family and friends - especially those I missed last year due to the floods - yes I was in Qld during the floods last year but that's a whole other story. And then I will return to my haven here and think how lucky I am to live here.

So how did you get to where you are now?

PS I will be entering into a place where I will have limited internet access so will try to post the final post for #blog12daysxmas tomorrow.

Supervisor vs Friends

Early in my career I applied for the same supervisory position 3 times. I never got the position and was once told I wasn't supervisory material. They did not elaborate so I'm still not sure why they thought that. After not getting the job for the 3rd time, I left that department, well I left the library and took part in a 12mth secondment. The secondment gave me time to reflect and look in from the outside. Look in at myself and at the position I left. I came back with new motivation and ended up taking a slightly different direction with my career. I haven't looked back. But it took me a few more years to finally get in a supervisory role - and really here I am.

I have been told numerous times that you can't be friends with the staff you supervise/manage. Well in my POW I manage 3 branch libraries, all located in a small LGA. Total population at the 2006 census saw us in the 13,000 range. I have a small staff of 4 permanent part timers and 6 casuals. Moving from a metropolitan area where I knew people in my suburb and my POW was just that a POW. Yes I had friends at work but I didn't supervise/manage them. They were my work friends. But I also had friends outside of work. Moving here - I didn't know anyone other than my own family and then the people I work with - my staff. It was hard not to become friends with them as they were all I was seeing in the first months of moving here.

So yes, friendships formed and they are great people. But when it comes to doing the hard stuff - like changing "this is how we've always done it" to "this is how it should be done" - being friends makes it hard.

I'll admit that one of my weaknesses is that I like to be liked. So if I have to do things that may make a person not like me - then perhaps I decide it's easier just not to do it. Hmm, as a manager you can't really do that. Especially when it effect the quality of service we are supplying to our customers. So how do you approach it??

I first thought I would go slowly slowly. I wouldn't come in guns a blazing and start off with putting the foot down. I'd get to know everyone and how each branch operated. Then I'd make little changes. I'd talk with the staff and suggest things - see how they reacted and then implement when they were on side. This has worked in some cases - in others it hasn't and I suppose after 3 years the foot may have to start to come down.

Perhaps those people who said I was not supervisory material were right - or perhaps it's down to the people I'm managing. Or perhaps it's just all a learning experience but 2012 will tell because I think the foot may be coming down harder than in the past.

I'd like to hear from others who've had to work with and manage friends and how they tackled it.