#blogjune Post 15 - A post so I have posted

Bit late off the mark this morning.  I've had to rush around and consequently have had little time to get my head around a post today, so I am merely filling a blank screen with words to say I have posted!!

#blogjune Post 13 - Oops Missed a Post

Ok so I missed a post.  But I had good reason to.  Yesterday I was up at 3.45am to head down to South West Rocks Running Festival to complete the 10km run and to support my running friend in doing her first full.

My running friend picked me up in the morning and I spent the drive trying to ease her nerves.  It is a daunting thing running 42.2km.  I did it last year and you can read all about it here.  For most people the real struggle of the marathon doesn't start until the last 10kms - and that's what happened for me.  Would that be the case with my friend?

Anyway, I saw my friend start her race at 7am and then waited 45mins for my start.  It was cold.  So I tried to keep warm best I could.  Cutting a long story short, we were off at 7.45am.  My feet were freezing so my feet were sore to start.  As were other parts like my hands etc.  I felt like it was taking a long time to get into a rhythm.

First km down and I'm thinking well that was fast but we had just come down a hill.  2nd km and I'm thinking well I'm travelling a little faster than I would normally for a 10km but I'm feeling ok.

The trouble with a 10km is it is further than a 5km so it really is all about pacing yourself so that you still have enough in the tank to get that other 5km done.  I find it a bit tricky.  This time I thought well I'm just going to hold onto this pace for as long as I can.

The course is relatively flat.  I have done the half marathon here twice but never the 10km.  I was looking forward to an earlier turn around and not having to deal with some of the sneaky hills that are in the half.

At the turn around I felt that I was going a bit slower and that continued up until 1km left in the race.  At this point I realised I was on 47min and I could possibly come in under 50mins.  This has been a goal of mine for a long time, with my best 10km time being 52mins.  So I put the peddle to the metal and put an effort in to come strong over the finish line and get that sub 50min 10km.  And yes, I did it!!  My garmin watch said 49.36.  Official time 49.45min with the net time 49.32min.  I was stoked, but no time to celebrate, I had to go out to meet my friend and get her to the finish line.

So I started walking the course out.  It was quite funny as some competitors thought I must be doing a race but going really slow - even though I had removed my race number.  Others that must have been from Brisbane, saw my GaleForce running singlet and said hello and good to see another Brisbane runner.

In my head I was trying to calculate where my friend might be on the course.  And my legs were pretty tired, so I was also not wanting to go too far out.  I caught up with her 7km from the finish.  So we ran/walked that last 7km together.  I tried my best to give the right encouragement and dismiss her negative thoughts - it is so tough that last 10kms.  You are so close but so far.  I let her lead with what she wanted to do, run when she wanted and walk when she wanted.  But not let her give in.

She made it!!  In a great time too!!  I am so proud and happy for her to achieve this.  42.2km is such a long way!  I was happy to be able to be there for her in that last 7kms and see her cross the line!

All in all it was a great day!  But I was very tired after a strong 10km and then 14km on top of that.  My legs were spent.  So that's why I missed a post yesterday!

#blogjune Post 8 - Time

Time is slipping away, never to be had again.  Well according to Miss A who slept in until 8 o'clock this morning and is now in the grumps with me for not getting her up earlier - I only have half an hour to play, Mum!  Well don't waste it crying!

Time takes on a new meaning when you run.  Yesterday I mentioned I did speed work and we had to do 6 x 1km reps with 3 minutes walking rest in between.  At first the 3 minutes seem to be a long time.  By the 4th rep it was starting to be too short!

With running you are usually running to better a time.  Go faster.  But sometimes when you are in the moment, you want time to stand still and let you be in that moment for longer.  Blink and it's gone and you are back to reality where time keeps moving.

For me, time appears to be moving faster and other times, it could not possibly go any slower.  Maybe it goes slower because I am always looking ahead - I think I need to spend more time just in the moment!

Day 5 - Blog 12 Days of Christmas - Here and now!

Today's mantra: You are exactly where you need to be.

This is something I have struggled with throughout my life.  The grass is always greener some where else.  That other job in that other work place is better than where I am now.  That house in that suburb is better than where I am now.  Why can't I accept that I am where I need to be?!?

I strongly believe in fate.  There are too many people I have met in my life at different times that cement the idea that I was supposed to be there at that moment in time to meet them.  Sure, some have moved on or I have moved on from them, but for that moment in time, I needed to be there and I needed to meet them.

Right now, I live in a beautiful part of the world (admittedly I have not seen a lot of the world - you see there's that grass is always greener coming back again), I have a beautiful family and some wonderful friends and family.  I have met some beautiful people that I continually learn things from or learn things about myself from.

There may still be parts of my life where I am dissatisfied but perhaps that is what I have to work on and I'm here because I have to work on them to become a better person or to learn a lesson.  But I strongly feel that I am exactly where I need to be at this point in time!

How about you?  Are you exactly where you need to be?

Is the grass greener?

Ok, so I'm haven't been posting to my blog at least once a week.  Honestly, so far this year I'm feeling flat.  Usually on return from the Christmas/New Year break, I am excited and revitalised about work and the year to come.  I'm ready to launch into planning heaps of exciting activities and seeking out opportunities to promote the library.

This year, it's not happening.  Each morning I wake up thinking this is the morning my motivation will return.  This is the morning I'll feel a skip in my step and anticipation for the day ahead.  Nope - not happening.

I'm not quite sure if I can pinpoint just one reason as to why this is happening.  I mean, I took a longer break and I didn't fill my break with drives to Qld which normally exhaust me and make me feel I really haven't had a break. No this holiday I relaxed and I spent lots of time at the beach and quality time with my family.  So it's not because I didn't have a good holiday.

I think it might be a combination of things.  Currently I don't have enough relief staff so I am constantly on edge that someone is going to get sick and we'll have no one to back fill.

One of my long term, highly organised staff members is off sick, so it has been hard to pick up the things that they would normally do without thinking.

I'm also involved in another project at work that I'm having an internal battle trying to devote time to - also trying to get my head around exactly how to tackle it and get it done in the very tight deadline is stressful.  I'm also supposed to be able to pull myself out of my day job to complete this - but that brings me back to the lack of relief staff.

Other things that may be at play are the fact that I do keep an eye on what jobs are going in the library industry and often find a job that I think would be much better than the one I'm in now - be it to be closer to family and friends, less responsibility, higher pay, better conditions, etc.  So there have been a few that have come up recently that I have thought maybe I should go for them.  But in reality I'm probably only trying to run away from this situation and is the grass really greener elsewhere?!?

I am coming up to having been in this job for 5 years.  In the past I always had a 3 year rule - no more than 3 years in the same job.  However, since having a child and she is in school, I have longed for somewhere to be long term.  To be in the same place so that we don't have to move and Miss A doesn't have to change schools and I'll actually get to get one of those certificates saying I've been in an organisation for 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, 25 years etc.  To actually be somewhere long enough to make some big changes or go through some big changes and come out the other side better than before.

That said, there are some big changes happening - restructure, possible (probably more like inevitable) changes to local government models/boundaries in NSW, the never ending battle for funding.  And for me that creates a feeling of uncertainty.  What happens if my job no longer exists - what then?

Of course, I then kick myself for being worried about something that has not happened yet.

So I'm sorry for this post being so personal and probably a bit depressing, but I felt I had to write down how I am feeling and see if it gives me a light at the end of the tunnel moment.

And perhaps it has, because when I drive to work this morning and I go over the river and past the beautiful scenery which may be a bit muddy and wet at the moment, I'm sure to feel lucky to live here.  And if I think about what we did over the holidays - is it really so bad that I should give up this lifestyle??  Is it really as bad as it seems??

Honestly, I think I'm just going through a phase but I really hope that it hurry's up and passes me by.