Is the grass greener?

Ok, so I'm haven't been posting to my blog at least once a week.  Honestly, so far this year I'm feeling flat.  Usually on return from the Christmas/New Year break, I am excited and revitalised about work and the year to come.  I'm ready to launch into planning heaps of exciting activities and seeking out opportunities to promote the library.

This year, it's not happening.  Each morning I wake up thinking this is the morning my motivation will return.  This is the morning I'll feel a skip in my step and anticipation for the day ahead.  Nope - not happening.

I'm not quite sure if I can pinpoint just one reason as to why this is happening.  I mean, I took a longer break and I didn't fill my break with drives to Qld which normally exhaust me and make me feel I really haven't had a break. No this holiday I relaxed and I spent lots of time at the beach and quality time with my family.  So it's not because I didn't have a good holiday.

I think it might be a combination of things.  Currently I don't have enough relief staff so I am constantly on edge that someone is going to get sick and we'll have no one to back fill.

One of my long term, highly organised staff members is off sick, so it has been hard to pick up the things that they would normally do without thinking.

I'm also involved in another project at work that I'm having an internal battle trying to devote time to - also trying to get my head around exactly how to tackle it and get it done in the very tight deadline is stressful.  I'm also supposed to be able to pull myself out of my day job to complete this - but that brings me back to the lack of relief staff.

Other things that may be at play are the fact that I do keep an eye on what jobs are going in the library industry and often find a job that I think would be much better than the one I'm in now - be it to be closer to family and friends, less responsibility, higher pay, better conditions, etc.  So there have been a few that have come up recently that I have thought maybe I should go for them.  But in reality I'm probably only trying to run away from this situation and is the grass really greener elsewhere?!?

I am coming up to having been in this job for 5 years.  In the past I always had a 3 year rule - no more than 3 years in the same job.  However, since having a child and she is in school, I have longed for somewhere to be long term.  To be in the same place so that we don't have to move and Miss A doesn't have to change schools and I'll actually get to get one of those certificates saying I've been in an organisation for 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, 25 years etc.  To actually be somewhere long enough to make some big changes or go through some big changes and come out the other side better than before.

That said, there are some big changes happening - restructure, possible (probably more like inevitable) changes to local government models/boundaries in NSW, the never ending battle for funding.  And for me that creates a feeling of uncertainty.  What happens if my job no longer exists - what then?

Of course, I then kick myself for being worried about something that has not happened yet.

So I'm sorry for this post being so personal and probably a bit depressing, but I felt I had to write down how I am feeling and see if it gives me a light at the end of the tunnel moment.

And perhaps it has, because when I drive to work this morning and I go over the river and past the beautiful scenery which may be a bit muddy and wet at the moment, I'm sure to feel lucky to live here.  And if I think about what we did over the holidays - is it really so bad that I should give up this lifestyle??  Is it really as bad as it seems??

Honestly, I think I'm just going through a phase but I really hope that it hurry's up and passes me by.

Back to the grind

Well I promised at least one blog post a week and what a good time to do it when I've been back at work 2 days and am about to launch into my first whole week back at work.

Yesterday's Destiny Card was Fun and I'm going to leave it as my card for today as well.

The family and I had loads of fun yesterday morning at the beach.  We spent over an hour splashing in the waves before returning home for a prawn and lettuce roll.  After that we kicked back and relaxed.  I caught up with the news via Library Press Display and checked FB and twitter.

I finished the day with my usual hour long afternoon walk and returned home soaked in sweat.  It was pretty humid yesterday, in fact it has been pretty humid/hot the last week or so - which I'm not complaining about but it doesn't make for an attractive Sharon when I go walking.

Unfortunately, today I suspect I won't have much fun.  On Thursday and Friday last week some things happened at work which have caused me some stress.  In fact, in usual Sharon fashion I have not slept well since because my brain keeps churning over these issues when I'm trying to sleep.  This is why I promised I would not think about work while on leave.

Today, I hope a meeting I have planned will give me some options to deal with one of the issues which unfortunately, involves a person.

I'm going to admit here that I have some things to learn when it comes to dealing with people's behaviour and because I'm an emotional person (at times), I really have to learn to detach myself and not let my emotions get the better of me.

The other issues are a result of possible change that is really out of my control.  Silly really to be stressing over something that may or may not happen and you can't control it anyway.  So that is another area I have to work on - only stress over what you can control - well don't stress over it, just deal with it!!

It hasn't really been a positive start to the working year for me and I hope this week ends on a much more positive note than last week.

And if anyone has any advice on how to detach oneself in order to stop letting emotions take over - I'd love to hear it!!

It's the blog that never ends - Epiphany #blog12daysxmas

So I thought I had finished #blog12daysxmas but no I'm supposed to finish up with an epiphany.

Epiphany: a) a sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something
 b) a comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realisation

Ok well I'm not sure if I had any epiphanies during my blogging challenge but I suppose I did:

• realise that I am very lucky to live where I live and to have a healthy family
• note that I have to reflect more and will be blogging at least once a week to achieve this
• realise that I possibly am too negative about situations at work that I think I can't change and by changing my attitude to positive may result in overcoming these situations
• note that I should try to meet more of my twitter friends IRL
• realise that with perseverance I can overcome anything (well maybe not anything but most things)
• realist that destiny cards do not help when trying to think about what to blog about BTW today's Destiny Card is Prosperity.

And really the one thing participating in these blog challenges helps me to feel is that I am connected.  While somewhat isolated, I still feel connected because I am sharing, discussing, and participating in something with other people.

Blog12daysxmas Post 12 - The end of the road

Today's Destiny Card is Courage.

On the 12th day of Christmas and final day of #blog12daysxmas.... we went to the beach for a swim and then fell on the lounge and watched cricket.

I can not believe that the weather has been so good for my holidays.  I'm not back at work until Thursday 10 January so I am hoping the great weather continues.

You will note from previous posts that it has pretty much rained since we moved here 4 years ago.  This year has been the first "real" summer we have experienced.  And while it is starting to get a bit worryingly dry, I can't help but feel blessed that the weather has turned it on while I'm on leave.

This is also the first summer I have spent at home.  The last 4 years has seen me visit "home" in Qld for a week in January.  After last year's heat wave in Ipswich, I vowed that I will no longer visit Ipswich in summer and give up the beach.  So Ipswich visits will happen outside of summer - sorry to all my Qld family and friends.  But with weather like this can you blame me for wanting to be at the beach.

Well this is my final blog post for #blog12daysxmas and I am proud to say that I blogged for a total of 36 days straight.  My goal for 2013 is to blog at least once a week.

So thank you to all who have followed me on my blogging challenge journey and I look forward to blogging each week and participating in any other blogging challenges that happen in 2013.

Blog12daysxmas Post 11 - We are one, are we not?!

Today's Destiny Card is Harmony.

The combination of simultaneously sounded musical notes to produce chords and chord progressions with a pleasing effect. The study or composition of musical harmony.

Synonyms concord - accord - unison - agreement - unity I'm actually at a loss of what to post.  In fact, something I read this morning has upset me but as most of those discussing it think it is not worth wasting the energy to respond to it, I'm reluctant to post about it. But at the same time, I'm a bit disgusted that in the LIS profession that something like this has been allowed to be published. I will share: Annoyed Librarian: Do Public Librarians Have Any Standards? How do you feel after reading that post? I mean in the Australian Library and Information Associations journal Incite, there was the Library Provocateur that had a column back in 2010 called On the Edge.  But there was never anything as degrading to the profession as what has been published on the Library Journal site. While our profession is made up of many different industries - public, education, health, etc - I feel that as a profession we are all about unity.  When it comes to fighting for our fellow library professionals whose jobs may be at risk, we all come together to fight the fight.  We don't criticise each other - well not in public anyway 8-)  Which is why I'm a bit stumped as to why Library Journal published this post. I don't particularly like being referred to as a "professional entertainer" and regarded with looking after a persons entertainment not education.  Well my belief is that public libraries are all about lifelong learning and that can include recreation/entertainment because even if it is not considered "education" you are still learning something when participating in recreational/entertainment pursuits. Anyway, this is just making me all worked up - which is probably the author of that posts whole goal. But I am interested in other's thoughts on this.

Blog12daysxmas Post 10

Today's Destiny Card is Detail.

Yesterday Miss A and I went to the Bellingen Swimming Pool and spent almost 3 hours there.  I only really wanted to spend 2 hours but Miss A wanted to spend the whole day so I told her we would go to the Library to get some books to get her out of the pool - surprisingly this worked.

So off to the Library we went and up went my blood pressure.  I'm on holidays and I don't want to think about work but of course when you visit work during you holidays you automatically think about work.  And all the work you have to do when you return to work. Sigh!

Once home, and I completed my hour long daily walk, I relaxed and started playing around with our library service Zinio eMagazine subscription and then played around with our OneClickDigital downloadable eAudio subscription, and then played around with State Library of NSW Library PressDisplay online newspaper subscription.

And then Miss A and I went to bed and I read 2 of the books we borrowed from the Library.  I slept well until 2.30am and then thoughts of work came back into my head.  Now don't you hate that?!?

Of course, once I started thinking about work I then had to pull apart every detail and write mental lists and basically work myself up into a state so I couldn't go back to bed for a few hours.

Don't get me wrong, there are some things I'm looking forward to about returning to work for a new year but many others I really am concerned about.

However, I read a blog post or a quote from somewhere and of course I can't find it now.  But it was something about fear and how if we fear something then we will convince ourselves to fear it instead of convincing ourselves that we have nothing to fear.  It may even have been in my stars for the year or yesterday.  Basically it had me thinking that I should not fear what coming back to work has in store for me but embrace it as a challenge and then it won't get the better of me.

I also read an interesting post about blogging: Done is better than perfect (thanks @flexnib).  And this made me think about my own blogging experience over the last few weeks.  There have been times when I didn't feel I had anything to write but then I started writing and found I did.

I have also stopped worrying about how many people read my blog and what they think about what I have shared.  Blogging is a learning experience and sometimes it is just a place to get things out of your head and onto "paper."

For me, blogging allows me to reflect on things whether they be professional or personal.

Blog12daysxmas Post 9 - Perseverance

Today's Destiny Card is Perseverance.

On the 9th day of Christmas... I reflected on how far I have come as a swimmer.  A swimmer you ask??  Yes a swimmer.

Back in 2010, fellow council employees who I had been doing lunch time walks with convinced me I should join them swimming laps at the council pool at lunch time during summer.

Don't get me wrong, I can swim but I don't swim correctly.  I swim with my head above water and I wouldn't say my strokes are 100% correct either.  But it gets me from A to B and it proved to be quite the exercise I needed - a change is as good as anything.

So every swimming season (Oct-Apr) since 2010 I have been doing laps with my fellow exercise nuts at lunch time.

Last season I had worked up to 50 laps of a 25m pool but this year I've been pushing to do 40 so I'm thinking my counting was really wrong last season or I really am slower this season.  But the reason I am slower this season.... is because this season I was pressured into purchasing some goggles and putting my head under water!!

I should start by explaining why I hadn't stuck my head under water previously - it all comes down to breathing and psychology.  I suffer from allergies (unsure what to) and so my nose is often blocked or running so I find it important to be able to breathe at any point in time without having to think about lifting my head out of water.  I also suffer from claustrophobia so find goggles restrict my sight resulting in a sense of being closed in.  And I hold my breath when going under water instead of blowing bubbles.

So I had three things to overcome.

I started by doing my laps as normal but sticking my head under and blowing bubbles when using my kick board.

I then started sticking my head under and blowing bubbles when doing breast stroke.

Freestyle took a bit longer to manage.  Possibly because it puffs me out the most so I feel I need to breathe the most when doing it.

But finally, after four weeks I have mastered it - I have persevered and I am now doing all strokes - well free style and breast stroke with my head underwater.

It is funny though, because when I blow bubbles I humm.  And I count while I'm humming when I do free style so I know when to turn my head to breath.

It is a work in progress because it is not perfect and I have moments of panic.  But perseverance has prevailed and now I wonder what else I can achieve!!

Today Miss A (thanks @lv2photoWorld) and I are going to the pool for a splash - Miss A has regular swimming lessons during school term but she has never been in a "big" pool.  I won't be swimming laps but at least when I do a few strokes I'll be doing them correctly in front of my child.